Battle Graduation

So I’ll be graduating soon and it’s been such a battle to hijabify my outfit. I’m going traditional with a Saree, which from what I have found online can be successfully hijabified. Of course my mother doesn’t want me to do this. She is perplexed at my request to have a long sleeve saree jacket with a closed back and a high neck. She would rather have me conform to “style” (which is of course low cut front, open back, and short sleeves). Unfortunately there is no way for me to explain to her how important it is to me to cover up. Although she is aware of my reversion she doesn’t seem to realize how serious I take my Deen. I’m still not sure how to explain to her that it is most definitely not a phase!

So it ends up being a huge battle, with me pulling the “If I don’t get a long sleeve jacket I’m not going” card, but I finally got my way. I am wearing a fully covered saree! Alhamdulillah! but sadly I still don’t feel right.

I’ve been fighting with myself the last couple of days because I won’t be able to wear my hijab to my graduation (head cover). There is no way my parents are going to be ok with that. I contemplated for weeks what to do but there is no way out of it. I thought of not attending the ceremony at all but my parents insist. I’ve come to the realization that I will have to be hijab-less for one night. It’s my first public event without hijab (since I started wearing it last October).

And NO! I am definitely not alright with it! I’m torn! Feel depressed and wish I had a Muslim family. I’m sure I’m going to feel naked and oh so uncomfortable with out it, but I’m not sure what else to do than to give in and pray that Allah (SWT) forgives me. Inshallah I will never be in this situation again. I pray that none of my sisters ever face this situation as well!

Peace!

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