I came across this video last night and had to talk about it. Unfrotunately what he says is right, I know it’s talking about “Desi” mother in laws but some how Sri Lankan culture is same. I’ve know so many instances where this has happened. It happened to my own mother. I know she suffered for years on end, and it didn’t stop. Even after my grandmother passed away she still made sure my mother’s suffering wouldn’t end. I’ve watched my mother cry and tell me horror stories about how she was treated (she told me because she couldn’t tell anyone else). I know that my grandmother always blamed her for taking her son away. Strangely not the son for marrying another women.
My mom told me once my dad had to go abroad for six months for work, my grandma was going on vocation to her daughters place in Australia. When leaving she took everything in the house and packed it in to two rooms. She locked up the fridge, the cooker, the pots, everything, saying that it was her stuff bought by her son’s money and that my mom had no right to use it. My mother had no way of eating for 6 months. The neighbours were kind enough to bring her food and give everyday. My uncle (mom’s elder brother) was a chef so he bought left over food from the hotel and gave her. But here’s the real kicker, she was pregnant with me. Thankfully my dad came back before my grandma so he found out what she had done. If not she would have gotten away with it. My dad never believed what he didn’t see and my grandma made sure my dad never saw what she did to my mom. My dad was poisoned in to thinking my mom was evil.
When I was born apparently I was a little dark (both my parents are on the fair side). My grandma has told my dad that my mom obviously had a lover and that this was not his child. Oh yes…he did believe it for awhile. Funnily, now at 22, I’m the spiting image of my dad. I’m like his girl version. We even walk the same way (not very lady like on my part :P). My mom was blamed for everything, she was accused of ruining the family, she was accused of being a gold digger, being unfaithful, immoral, I actually don’t know what she wasn’t accused of.
When I was a kid my grandma used to tell me that my mom doesn’t allow my dad to come see her. I was smart enough to know that my dad was too much of a workaholic to come see anyone (he barely saw us coz he came home after 9pm). But she tried to turn me against my own mom.
Everything my mom did was seen as a bad thing. I believe it was because my grandma was such a mean person that she was eventually diagnosed with cancer (I’m not being mean just logical). But even in her last years she made my mom suffer. In her early stages, before being diagnosed, since my dad was too busy my mom had to take her to the doctors and get tested and stuff. When she got back home she told everyone who came to see her that my mom was trying to kill her, that she took her to unknown doctors and got her injected with unknown medicines. My mom was shattered when she heard it from her own relatives that the whole town thinks she tried to kill my grandma. And of course some people did believe her! My mom stopped visiting her and taking her to the doctor because she was scared if something did happen to my grandma then people would actually think she did.
My mom used to tell me that the only reason she stayed in the marriage was because of me and my brother. I don’t know why but my dad never did anything about it. He never listened to my mom and he never cared that my mom was suffering. When I was small I used to wonder why he wouldn’t just make my grandma stop. I would, even if she was my mother. Why would you marry a women, take her away from her family, make her cook, clean, and have children and not have the common decency to stand up for her when she is being abused like that?! It was then that I swore to myself that I would never marry someone like that, I would rather stay single for the rest of my life than go through what my mom went through.
Actually the whole of my dad’s family is kinda mean. We don’t really like them. They aren’t warm. They never liked my mom and they always faked their “Oh it’s so good to see you”. They are selfish and all they care is about themselves. They poisoned my dad in to getting my brother and I to go take care of our grandmother in her last few months. Their kids of course were cruising around the world with their boyfriends.
I’m just thinking of how much damage was caused to my parents marriage because of my grandma. And as a result there was friction between me and my dad. I wasn’t going to let his mother make my mother suffer. If his main priority to protect his mother (as mean as she was) then I would protect mine. To this day my dad acts like our grandmother was a saint. Everyone knows it’s not true. But I think all those years of poisoning doesn’t ware off coz he still sees my mother just how my grandma painted her.
I pray that Allah (SWT) protect me and my sisters from such a fate! May we all be blessed with good husbands and loving in laws. May we raise our future (and present) children to be good to their spouses and in laws. And may we be good mother in laws in the future, inshallah. Ameen!