The Ugly Truth

Everyone is always very happy when they hear you are a revert. It’s all Mashallah and Alhamdulillah followed by how did it happen? why did it happen? Yup, it’s all rosy gardens till you try to marry someone in their family and it instantly becomes, “It’s great you are a revert, Mashallah, but we don’t want reverts in our family” or “Reverts don’t really suit our family”. What is that?! Is it fake happiness they show when they hear that you have embarked on one of the toughest journeys of your life? Is it fake acceptance when they say they are so happy that you have come to the path of Allah (SWT)? Is it fake joy they display when they realize I am just like them? WHAT IS THAT?!

I don’t understand what I could have done to deserve such a response. I’m not some sort of alien.  I imagine sentences like “We will not accept vampires in our family” but not “Reverts can’t be a part of our family”. Why? Are we not good enough? Do we not believe in Allah and the last Prophet Mohamed (SAW)? Do we not pray five times a day, fast one month of each year and pay our zakath on time? Do we not wear hijab and guard our modesty? Do we not strive to be close to Allah (SWT)? Are we really that different??

It really is people like this that make me feel really unaccepted. It doesn’t make sense. If our beloved Prophet (SAW), one of the purest (if not the purest) men ever created, married reverts why are we not good enough for ordinary human beings?

If our magnificent creator can forgive me for my past and accept me into his light then why do my fellow Muslims still judge me on what I used to be? What does my race have to do with anything? Why does where I live and how much money I have matter? Why is it better to have a non- practising Muslim who has a strong bloodline than a practising Muslim revert?

What is wrong with people?!

As the saying goes, it’s these kinds of things that make me feel ashamed of my Muslim community. Of course there are always rotten apples, and it’s not fair to judge the whole community on this line of ignorance. Unfortunately it’s just so painful, what they say hurts a lot. I know it’s always different when it comes to your kids, and if you were upright with it, I would be fine. Saying one thing and putting my hopes up just to crash it down ruthlessly is just wrong. I haven’t done anything wrong, if anything I try really hard to be a good Muslim. I never asked for anything, I never demanded anything, all I wanted was to marry a man who I thought would be a good husband. A man who I believe Allah has led me to. A man who fights the same ignorance that is thrown at him. A brilliant and kind man (mashallah) who is trying to break the foundation of such an ignorant culture so that reverts like me can actually marry into families without being treated like something less valuable.

So the ugly truth is, no matter how happy people are about you reverting on the outside, inside they still see you as a “Sinhala” girl. The only difference in me is that I don’t fight it, I embrace it. I’m proud of being a Sinhalese and a Muslim. I apologize to no one and will not be made to feel inferior just because my blood line isn’t linked to a long line of Muslims.

May Allah protect us all from such ignorance and intolerance. May Allah always keep us modest, pure, humble and guide us to what is right. May Allah never cause us to discriminate and feel this way when it comes to our children. Ameen!

Peace!

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4 thoughts on “The Ugly Truth

  1. Assalamu Alaikum Sister…. I have been following your blog for some time.. And really impressed and happy about you Masha Allah.. For a few weeks couldn’t check your blog as I was busy..
    But Today when I read this I felt really sad :(… What you tell is the truth.. However much our Muslims talk about similarity when it comes to marriage this issue is still there.. Not even reverts.. some group the people according to their social standards 😥

    One thing I like about you is that it’s very rare to find an actual revert Sinhalese Muslim girl who did so for a reason other than marriage.. Personally I think reverting for marriage purpose is utterly unacceptable as it is done because of a creation of The Creator rather than reverting in acceptance of The Creator.
    That’s why I respect you because I know a Muslim Girl like you is very hard to find .. Most of born Muslim Girls are not in the folds of Islam even though they have the background and all the facilities. But Read your latest post – and Masha Allah with all those you are still strong in faith and practicing 🙂

    As a young Muslim I would have been proud to marry you or even have you in my family.. But I know it’s not practical for many reasons..
    1) I have already found a perfect matching Muslimah 🙂 and Insha Allah Nikah would be soon.. Only problem is my parents as you said are worried about her family social status :@
    2) I don’t know of any single unmarried brother who is religious enough who would suit you :S
    3) and I don’t know how practical such marriage would be ….

    Anyway sister do you know that this is also a test on you fron Your Creator??
    Allah has tested you more than us.. because he loves you more 🙂
    He placed you in a difficult background.. YET you understood your Creator and kept faith and Strong in your iimaan..
    Now the marriage issue :S/… Insha Allah be patient Allah will grant you the best spouse who would be the coolness of your eyes and who would treat you like a queen Insha Allah .. I’ll make du’a for you sister..

    If you really like, I’ll search for a suitable match for you Insha Allah 🙂

    • Walaikum Salam Brother,

      Jazakhallah khairan for your support and kind offer but Alhamdulillah I believe Allah has chosen this particular brother for me. We seem to fit and he is, Masha’Allah a really nice man. Insha’Allah I pray his parents come to terms with my sinhalese blood line 🙂 It is tough and hurtful but Alhamdulillah when one cries to Allah, everything becomes so much less serious. I can actually joke about it now. I am so thankful for Allah! My greatest fear was that I would grow bitter and resentful from experiences like this (I had once, never wanted to again). I trust all will work out as per Allah’s plan, just have to wait patiently. Haha yes, the practicality of course is questionable. Allahu Akbar! Such a strange situation I am in. I sometimes enjoy it 🙂

      Masha’Allah I am happy to hear that you have found a suitable Muslimah for marriage. I pray Allah will make your union possible with no major issues, Insha’Allah and bless both of you with a happy life together. Ah yes sadly it is true, for some reason culture trumps Islamic values (I find especially in South Asian cultures). Why, Allahu Alam. I often wonder why people complicate such a beautiful and complete religion. We must care about piety, not blood line, obedience to Allah, not social conventions. Insha’Allah our community shall change. I see a lot of brothers and sisters in our generation thinking differently now, Masha’Allah.

      Hmmm…I might respectfully disagree with conversions for marriage. I agree, converting should done because you love Allah, atleast it should be for your sake and not for someone else’s sake. But I feel sometimes those who convert for marriage might be guided to Islam in such a way. Perhaps they were shown the straight path by means of a spouse. Before converting I had many muslim friends. Their practices were something ‘cool’ to me. Because they fasted, out of curiosity I fasted with them one Ramadan. It was then I started to feel that perhaps all that difficulty associated with Islam, was false. If fasting made me feel so good then what else in Islam could do that? So began my journey. My personal belief is, Allah guides us in many different ways. Some through guidance and others through marriage. I try not to question the validity of such conversions. If they have proclaimed to be Muslims, then they are Muslims. What their true intentions are, is all in Allah’s hands. But I do agree it is important to learn to love the religion, not only the person.

      Sorry this comment was so long.
      I trust by Allah’s mercy you and your to-be bride are in good health. I shall make dua for your union 🙂
      Fee Amanillah!

  2. Assalaamu alaykum
    reading your post made me sad but then you rcomment made me happy and I am happy for you that masha Allah you have found someone. May Allah make it easier for you and may you have a blessed life here and in the hereafter..aameen
    now coming to your post..You have beautifully expressed on a critical issue and your words are striking masha ALLAH. The joy that is expressed to see a revert is a limited to expression only. Though i won’t say its fake. I’d rather say joy is expressed with words but it is not accompanied by actions. I am having a feel that it was better for you as they din’t deserve you. You deserved better and alhamdulillah you found one. There are many ugly practices when it comes to marriage specially in south asian countries and this ugliness of character sow seeds of bitterness in many and there is a great need to rectify…
    May Allah guide us and and help us to practice the religion completely.aameen

    • Walaikum’Salam,
      Jazakhallah for the nice thought 🙂 It’s nice to think of it that way. Unfortunately it is true that there are a lot of practices which need to be rectified, especially the ones which people do with religion as an excuse. I think it’s our job as the new generation to make sure things go right at least from now on. Insha’Allah our children will have a world where Nikkah is a simple and joyous event and picking a bride/groom didn’t have anything to do with blood ties and financial statements. Ameen to your dua! Jazakhallah Khairan for stopping by!

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