I chose this title because that is exactly what I am right now. Confusion has set in like it never has. My parent’s in an effort to stop my process of being a Muslim (a process which hidden to them has already happened and completed) are putting rules on what I can and cannot do. The restrictions are suffocating and some how I feel caged.
I am not allowed to wear covered clothing. I don’t understand it but apparently they want me to show more skin. Yes, everyone heard me right. I’m not allowed to wear long skirts and I’m not allowed to cover my arms. This is where, to me, things seem illogical. Aren’t parents the ones shouting at kids to cover up? I’m not allowed to wear loose clothing and I’m definitely not allowed to dress like a ‘Muslim girl’. Why? Because sadly my father is some what islamaphobic. He doesn’t hate Islam, he just doesn’t understand it, and since he has an ego the size of the universe he doesn’t think he needs to (unfortunately). Because of my actions my brother has been made to watch some crackpot video on how France is being taken over by Muslims, in order to understand the gravity of the issue and advise me to not stray in the wrong path. So many points to argue come up here, and I have so little time to type. What I don’t understand is (leaving aside all of the little details on Muslims and France) what does French Muslims have to do with Sri Lankan Muslims?? They are a whole different calibre! It’s like equalling Buddhists in Myanmar to Buddhists in Tibet (Not that I’m saying the Muslims in France are bad, just trying to show the difference of nations).
If I don’t do what they want (which I’m not by the way) I’m caged up like a bird. Only to go to work and back. Dropped and picked. Financially crippled and at the mercy of their will. If I want to continue wearing modestly I must leave the house and have nothing to do with them or the family. What gives parents the right to do this? Just because you bring us to this world doesn’t mean you own our bodies, minds and souls. We are our own individuals with different thoughts from that of theirs. What gives them the right to treat me this way just because I chose to exercise the right that they gave me (in the first place). My parents taught me to be intelligent with decisions, persevering, hard-working, a free thinker, disciplined and a spiritual person. I am doing that! Why is it so bad then?
I’m not endlessly complaining. My parents don’t have the clearest views on religion either. My father has a mixed feature of Scientology (based on the Comic Green Lantern), Buddhism, Hinduism, some other yet to be identified philosophy and feng shui. That is how he lives his life. We go along with it. I don’t believe in it but I still let him do what he wants. Actually being honest I should correct myself, I go along with everything except the strange Green Lantern theory of green magic flowing through the universe which is protected by different species from across the galaxy. That is a little too strange for me to accept, even though I am a fan of Green Lantern. End of the day he doesn’t mind me following a Comic book for guidance on the purpose of life but not an actual religion like Islam. Baffling!!
Then there is my mother, a spiritual Buddhist who at occasions ventures in to Hinduism. Her role in all this is simple. She never liked me dressing modestly, she never wanted me to work in a small organization which allowed me to be who I am and practice my religion freely. She wanted me to be a CEO at a multinational organization, wearing smart mini dress suits and driving around in a Benz. Atleast that’s what I picture she wants from the way she acts. Her ultimatum, stop dressing this way or else!
Whatever parents say, it’s all the same thing. You can do what ever you want as long as it’s what we want. Help grow the wings and clip them at the very last moment. That’s really the philosophy. Everyone associates oppression with Islam and how it does this and that. Am I not oppressed right now? Forced to hide my beliefs, force to wear and act in a way I don’t want to, forced to hide and wear and take off my hijab when ever my parents are near and accused of straying to the wrong path. Is this also not a form of oppression?
The only thing keeping me going is reflection on the jihad faced by Prophet (SAW) and his companions (May Allah be Pleased with them). If they had to go through such harsh and oppressing times, this is a cake walk (Insha’Allah). Hoping for better days and praying for Allah’s guidance.