Why? Well we did despicable things in the years which aren’t accounted for before we said the Shahada. Such evil things which will define us for the rest of our lives (apparently). Some go as far as to say that we will never be ‘proper’ Muslims because of these evil deeds.
That basically summarizes what most people (elders of course), I have come across say/ act and think about reverts (or maybe just me).
We are told that when we say the Shahada all our past misdeeds are forgiven and forgotten. Our slate is wiped clean, and we emerge as a new born baby would. This is the mercy our beautiful Allah (SWT) shows us. He literally gives us a second chance in life. If He, the creator and sustainer of the worlds can forgive the misdeeds done to Him (by ignorant us) then why is it so hard for our fellow brothers and sisters to at least not talk about it and judge us on it?
Are we really that evil? Do you know for sure? As a non-Muslim I went to an all girls school till I was 14, I changed to a mix school to do my O/Ls, which I left after. Yes I had male classmates, no I didn’t talk to them past the usual ‘hello’, ‘bye’, and ‘thanks’. I went to a mix college but never went partying or clubbing. Yes, I had male friends but that was all they were. The only boy I ever felt really connected to was my Husband, he was the only boy I ever went out with. I did not get drunk at parties, I never took drugs, never smoked and I never had a million bizillion boyfriends (despite what some might think). I never stole, seriously lied, murdered or hurt people. I don’t have tattoos or extra piercings. I never wore anything above the knee or sleeveless. My parents did not let me go out after dark or let me travel anywhere with out a chaperone. Why am I evil? What did I do that made me so bad that even after I embraced Islam, chose to wear Hijab and got married, I’m still not good enough?
My question is, Why? Why do my fellow brothers and sisters test me more than my Lord chooses to?
Yes, I have a very morbid outlook on my community right now and I really am sorry. I don’t mean to offend or stereotype. It’s just the way I’ve been treated for the past couple of months has really taken it’s toll on my ability to remain optimistic and positive. I don’t want to be bitter and resentful so therefore I blog it so I can get all my feelings out and forget it. No one I speak to can understand what it’s like to be watched by a million eyes, just waiting for you to make a mistake so they can jump up and down and scream “There! She isn’t Muslim afterall”. Alhamdulillah I am so grateful that Allah (SWT) has given me this opportunity to come to the straight path. I really am, and I know it’s ungrateful but sometimes I can’t help but wish I was born a Muslim.