Water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink.
This quote is something I relate to and ponder on quite a lot. It could apply to many things but for me it relates to being alone. Being alone isn’t necessary a bad thing. I believe in some sense I was always alone. I dealt with my problems, and I made tough decisions and at the end of the day I was the only shoulder I could cry on. I would often look around at the sea of people, such a vast amount of people who knew almost nothing about me. I had no connection nor did I feel the need to connect. When I was young I spent many a day feeling lonely in this sea of people. Sometimes I was happy about it, sometimes not so much. After finding Islam I came to the realization that I’m never really alone, my Lord watches over me every step of the way.
Although some days I may crave a human connection, most days I’m content with the calming and soothing connection I have with my Lord. Over the loud sounds and voices of all those around me I imagine myself in to a field of thoughts. Private thoughts only shared by us two. Here is my natural dwelling.
Sometimes human connection feels like a burden. Having to think of so many people and how my decisions effect them. Sometimes I feel like running away from it all. Running away with my Lord. Just to be alone and talk to the one person who understands me, truly loves me, will never doubt me, or misunderstand me. To me that is freedom. To not have to think of anything but pleasing my Lord, and being me with no burdens. That is real freedom.
Right now, I crave that freedom.