Although I always hope to never fall, I do. Yes, in the eye of the storm it all feels hopeless and lost but once everything dies down I always find little breadcrumbs I have left myself to remind myself to get back up and try harder, to remind myself of how much people around me actually care about me, to remind myself that Allah (swt) has always been there for me and will always be there. These sweet tokens of memories are always just there. Now, while I would love to take the credit for all of it I know most of these breadcrumbs were found only because Allah (swt) led me to them. I know when He wants he always leads me to small clues which help me rebuild myself. Today was no exception.
Cleaning my room today I found so many little memories which just left me feeling loved and cared for. Little things like the card my bestfriend made for my 21st b’day, notes of love from my better half, little stories I had written and forgotten, a token of friendship from my gang of crazy friends, sweet words from my parents, little memories of better days and pictures from the past.
All little clues to who I am, who I used to be and who I should be.
I have always believed that Allah (swt) talks back when we talk to Him. It’s just that we might not understand the medium he uses. It might be a random post you come across on the internet, a television program you accidentally find, or in this case little pieces of your past you find underneath all the clutter. Alhamdulillah I am so blessed! I have so many around me who care about me and love me. I often take them for granted and I know I could never really apologies enough for that. I’ve forgotten years they have given me, a terrible crime. But I know they are those beautiful people who love me anyway. I think by now I am (or well I should be) old enough to know that if people really love you they will stay, whether you act like an ungrateful child or not, because the simple truth is they know you enough to know you would do the same for them. Alhamdulillah, I’m so lucky to have such people.
Every single time, when I lose Allah (swt), I lose everything, but when I find my way to Him once more, I feel like I’m the wealthiest person in the world. Perhaps these are all reminders for me, reminders to know that what ever comes my way, what ever mistakes I make, He is there with me, and as long as He is there, everything will be alright.