I’ve always been alone on eid, and as much as I would like to say it isn’t a big deal, I would only be lying. Promises of this eid being the last I would spend alone have been made so many times, so many times that now it only evokes scepticism within me. In my house, eid is just another day. As much as I would like to glam up and make it special, given I’m the only one who celebrates it, makes it impossible. So I would dress up, pray, change and go back to everyday life.
It’s suppose to be one of the most happiest days of a Muslim’s year and yet to me, it just leaves a hole in my heart. It reminds me of how alone I am, with almost no one to call my own. But that’s the thing about being your own family, your own community and your own culture, it’s lonely, it’s just you. I’ve always dealt with loneliness in one way, that was to turn to Allah. How I look at it is, for all the loneliness I feel, it only makes me more dependent on Allah. He is the one I greet, He is the one I pray to, He is the one I spend my eid with. He is my family, He is my community, He is my culture.
It doesn’t seem so bad, spending eid with Allah (SWT). Gives a strange sense of peace and tranquility. Maybe these lonely eids are not so bad after all. I just have to keep reminding myself that this time two years ago, I had absolutely no one. Now, at least with small baby steps I’m finding my own place in the world. Insha’allah one day I hope eid becomes everything I dream it to be.