I am Back!

Time to get serious, it’s evaluation time. Going in to Ramadan I was completely broken, probably like I’ve never been before. What am I saying? Probably? I WAS broken like never before! I hoped Allah (SWT) would grant me his mercy and help me build myself back up, with a little help from Ramadan of course. So after those 30 days of fasting, praying and making dua, one has to wonder, am I back? or am I still in pieces?

I am back! I am me! Alhamdulillah!

I will be honest and say I don’t think I’m exactly the same. I believe once you are broken, you can’t really go back to being the same. I am different, better, insha’allah I hope. The bruises have become scars, scars have healed, and voilà! Tougher skin. So I am me as much as I think I should be. I might have kicked a few detrimental parts of me out and replaced it with a few modified bits, but I am me, again. And this month is my month, I am going to change everything. How I live, how I work, how I treat people, who I keep in my life, what I will accept from people and how I want to shape my future. Starting now, things will change, and insha’allah be better than ever.

Alhamdulillah, I learnt and realized a lot this Ramadan! I learnt about everything, love, life, people, loneliness, friends, loyalty, family, and most importantly, myself. I love Allah (SWT) so much! Even in all that, after all that, He still chooses to guide me and teach me. He still chooses to embrace me and love me. He still chooses to help me forgive those who have hurt me. He still chooses to help me be better. He still chooses to be there, with me, through everything. Subhan’allah! It’s true what they say about Allah (SWT) being unfathomable, he is truly amazing.

I realized that every bit of sadness, loneliness, and emptiness I feel is nothing compared to Allah’s love. It cures everything! In any situation, I only have to think of Him because He will always be there. I spent most of this Ramadan with Him and only Him, and masha’allah it was the best Ramadan yet!

I have realized how selfish I have been, how much I have taken for granted, how fulfilling and content my life is when I want it to be. Alhamdulillah! I have so much to be happy about, so much to be grateful for, so very much. I love everything and everyone around me, the good and the bad. I know that this is something I re-visit often, only because my human errors cause me to forget how truly lucky I am. Each time, insha’allah, I hope Allah will bare with me and have the patience to remind me once more. After all He is amazing enough to do that! But for what it’s worth, I hope I never forget!

I have realized how important time is.  Every single second of the day is precious, it needs to be utilized and it needs to be justified. Allah (SWT) gives me each day with trust that I will make the best out of it, and insha’allah I hope to. I want every minute of my day to matter, to be something. It should add value to my life and the people around me. I have to make time for the people I love, even if it means just a few minutes. My life isn’t mine, it is a loan given by Allah (SWT), a loan which benefits me and those around me. I owe my family and my friends my time, love, care and consideration. Insha’allah I hope that I can make all those around me happy because at the end of the day I am most happiest when they are happy.

I realized that stressing over what could be, should be, must be, and would be, is pointless. Sometimes to be truly free one has to give up, give up holding on to things and just let Him take over. Take one day at a time, one step at a time and one moment at a time. I want to relish in it by remembering that I might not wake up tomorrow.

Subhan’allah! I have been blessed with this amazing energy that keeps me happy even in the most trying situations and insha’allah I hope Allah (SWT) continues to let me maintain this outlook on life for years to come. I doubt I can bring justice to this feeling, all I can say is that it’s like I prepared for battle, and now I’m finally going out there with Allah as my shield and weapon. I’ve been bought back to life once more and the fire in me has been reignited. I feel dependent on only Allah, and I feel independent, completely independent of others. Subhan’allah! It is the most amazing feeling ever. I think that’s what I needed all along, just to be me.

Alhamdulillah!

Alhamdulillah!

Alhamdulillah!

Just because saying it once wasn’t enough. I wish I could shout it from the roof tops, I wish I could let the whole world feel how amazing being loved by our Creator feels, I wish I could give everyone a bit of the happiness that I feel, I wish I could do so much, and Insha’allah with Allah’s help I shall.

I want to make a clean start and I know everyone deserves one. I’m starting by letting everything go and forgiving all those who have ever hurt me, and instead of wallowing in those hurt feelings, I want to love them and be good to them. Everyone deserves another chance. My Lord is the most merciful of all and He teaches me to forgive. I want to love people and care about them, regardless of whether they love me back because I trust in Allah to protect me from those who are bad for me. And above all, I want to live for Allah and do what Allah has sent me to do. Insha’allah!

I have reverted. I am back. I am free. Ya Rabbi, you complete me.

Peace!

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