22, I don’t think I ever settled in to 22, it just felt too strange, incomplete. Thinking back I can remember feeling 21, and now I feel turning 23, but 22 some how feels awkward and blank. It’s like I’ve skipped a step on the way.
I don’t blame myself, this last year has been crazy, like a roller coaster. Alhamdulillah so much happened! People left, new people came, I grew weaker, I even lost myself for a moment there, but I found myself by Allah’s mercy. I understood life better, I understood myself better, and most importantly I learnt so much. I grew closer to the ones I love, my friends, my family and Alhamdulillah I grew distant from the ones who caused me harm. Allah blessed me with people who, together, form my Muslim family and Alhamdulillah he blessed me with a whole new out look on life.
I’m actually quite excited for 23. I think I want to be 23, relish every single moment of it. I want to grow in to the age, embrace the responsibilities and challenges that come with it. I want Allah (SWT) to mould me in to the person I am suppose to be.
This year, I want to make it different. Start fresh. I’m done with all the drama and those who wish to create it, ain’t no body really got the time for that. I’ve come to accept my tangled life which results in an ‘odd’ situation. The secret of my hijab, is my secret. If all of this doesn’t lead me to cause drama then why do I let others cause it for me? It’s all about the loved ones from here on out. I want to keep those who love me and take care of them as I should, I want to increase my level of patience and thaqwa. I want to spend less time worrying and more time laughing. I want to stop looking for acceptance because after all these years it’s evident I’m not going to get it. I want to stop letting people use me and hurt me, with the deluded idea that they actually care about me and are there for me. I want Allah, and nothing else.
Subhan’allah, at the end of the day I am alone. I love that feeling of independence. To have a world with just Allah (SWT), it’s just, amazingly free and liberating. I really believe that if you just accept Him and focus only on Him, everything else falls in to place like never before. I know who I want to be, and with Allah’s mercy I’m going to make it happen! So bring on 23! 🙂