While it’s true my Husband and I were friends before marriage and he did have an effect on my decision to convert, he is not the reason I am a Muslim or why I love Islam. He thought me the Shahadah when I wouldn’t stop pestering him about converting, and while he was the one who witnessed me coming to Islam, he had nothing to do with why I stayed in Islam. In fact he was the one who warned me against taking such a big life decision while being so young. He would always ask me if I was absolutely sure about what I was doing. So Islam to me was all about Allah and how with each passing day I found out how much He (swt) loved me and how all my life He had tried to guide me to this path. I still don’t really know why exactly my Husband decided to marry me, it could be that he loved me that much or it could be that he wanted to fulfil his Islamic duty as a Muslim to help a revert. He’s not a very “let’s talk about our feelings” type of guy so I might never really know. I wouldn’t mind making this in to a romantic love story but I don’t think it is. While we both love each other, all the decisions we made were carefully filtered by our understanding of Islam and we always made it a point to consult Allah.
When my Husband initially told his family he would like to marry a revert he was told it was not a good idea and that since he was young he should think about his decision more. Because we both did not want to continue to have a relationship which would be haram in the eyes of Allah we decided to do our Nikkah by ourselves. It wasn’t out of arrogance or with a motive to show up our parents, it was merely to not disobey Allah. We went to a mosque and asked to be married, the Imam made sure of our decision and we told him that this was for Allah and our souls. We planned to later on do a proper Nikkah, hopefully with our parents consent. So you might say this was a secret Nikkah.
Once done we lived apart but we did not feel guilty about talking to each other or going out with each other. In retrospect I would say this action of ours hurt both our parents and I don’t recommend it to anyone, but at the time it felt right to us, and if I think about it now it was like we were guided to do it. I say that because it was the secret nikkah that saved us both. I think having Allah by our side was the only thing that helped us survive the chaos that followed my husbands decision to leave home. We both now feel that if we had not tried our utmost to be true to Allah back then, Allah would not have helped us the way He has.
However, if you are in a similar situation I urge you to really think about it because a Nikkah is something serious, a lot more serious than a legal marriage which can be annulled within a day. This is a binding exchange of vows with Allah as a witness, and breaking a Nikkah means a divorce which comes with it’s own set of rules. It’s also important to note that a divorce is the only halal thing that Allah does not like. Consider the consequences and make sure to pray Isthikara and obtain Allah’s guidance. If it is meant to be, it will be, because what Allah has written for us can not be changed.
This Nikkah was the beginning of everything. Once our studies were finished my Husband once more expressed his intentions to marry a revert, he was shot down again. He still doesn’t understand why his family wasn’t happy with his decision, he even asked his parents to meet me before reaching a decision but they didn’t even want to give me a chance. It’s sad that they had the idea that “Reverts are evil”, but I suppose in Allah’s plan if it was any other way, things would not have turned out this way and we all would not have learnt the lessons we have now learnt.
Funnily enough our second nikkah was also a small secret affair. Only a few close friends and my parents were present, and the planning was super top secret. This was mainly because of the threats against my husband at the time. It was simple and quick, and as always Allah was the most important guest.