Recently I’ve been forced to reminisce about someone I don’t really want to. Particularly because this person re-entered my life out of the blue. As much as I would have liked to not have her back, at the same time I have to say Alhamdulillah because all those memories coming back to me, they all made me see how there are people like her in my life, people who I should probably be careful of.
She was so much to me. When you are picked up and put in a completely different highschool, it’s not really easy making friends. We were both new and we instantly became friends. Our personalities were different and yet we got along. We were as they say ‘bestfriends for life’. It took me years to realize that I was her friend, she wasn’t mine. All the nights I would spend helping her with her problems, listening to her complaints, comforting her and wiping away her tears, seemed worth it. All worth it till I realized that when I needed someone, anyone, when my life crashed and crumbled around me, all she could say was “I don’t know what to do because your problems aren’t like mine”. So lot of ‘incidents’ later I was forced to come to the realization that I was being used. To top it, her mother started blaming me for the mistakes she made in school. I was polite and listened, but I so badly wanted to tell her that I was a 16 year old girl just like her daughter, I was her friend, I wasn’t her mother.
Years went by and she made her dislike of my reversion very clear. As painful as it was, she had stopped being someone important in my life by then. Alhamdulillah, she was one of those people who was cleansed away from my life by Allah right before He convinced me to embrace Islam. She makes her dramatic entrances back in to my life, now and then, mostly when she needed help or a shoulder to cry on. This time I was there for her because I didn’t want to change who I was just because she burned me, but in truth I would say I didn’t love her as much as I used to. She was my sister, I considered her to be that, and it goes without saying that I would have really done anything for her. Giving all that up, hurt, it hurt like nothing I ever imagined. I think the hardest thing was losing the person you love, the person who you thought they were, and then having to see this completely different person in front of you. It was like they died and yet still haunted you with their presence.
It took me so long to get over her betrayal. Despite the better judgement of the other friends around me I gave her a chance to be that person again every time she came running to me for help. But every time she would leave once she got the support she wanted from me. This time is different though. I don’t really want to be there for her, I can’t be. Our lives are beyond different. I find things like halal, hijab and prayers important where as her biggest concerns are having a good night out, meeting up with huge groups of friends, dancing and partying. I’ve rebuilt my world, and I don’t really want anything in it to change right now.
I swore I would never get in to that situation again. I would never be friends with someone who drains me, who wouldn’t have the curtsey to be my friend in return. Fast forward, I had done the same thing. I had friends who were exactly like her. Allah’s plan is so funny sometimes. But this time it was different because the good thing about going through a huge traumatic experience is being able to find out who your real friends are, the friends who really would go above and beyond. Alhamdulillah, I am so grateful to Allah for blessing me with these select few who accept me for who I am, and who worked to support both me and my husband when we needed people to be there for us.