Being a revert is difficult…
I would say it’s the most difficult thing I’ve done in my life. Don’t get me wrong, Islam? So simple, so beautiful. Easy peasy. People? Not so much.
Back when we were just kids my husband discouraged my decision to revert. He kept telling me not to do it because it would ruin my life. He gave me examples of where women had reverted and then married Muslim men, who had then for what ever reason divorced them, causing them to revert back to their previous religion and leaving children in a total mess. I stubbornly ignored him saying it won’t happen to me. Lately I’ve been thinking that I’ve taken for granted how lucky I was. Although I said it won’t happen to me, it could have, and it would have, had Allah not stopped it.
I’m lucky Allah was there and saw something in me that was worth saving. Alhamdulillah, I’m very happy He saw what He saw. Although I might have taken it for granted back then, I truly value it now.
I also understand how caring my Husband was back then. It would have been so easy for him to say “Yeah sure convert” and then leave me be. But he didn’t. He really looked out for me, even as just a friend, and then married me because he didn’t want me to end up alone. Masha’allah, he really is amazing. People often tell me that I’m doing something good, giving him a chance to enter Jannah but it’s not like that, I’m glad Allah is giving me the chance to contribute to his well being in the Akhira even a little, so that I can show him how grateful I am for all that he has done for me.
The ugly truth is, if Allah had not shown me what real Islam was, even despite how good a man my Husband is, I would have left. I can say that confidently because there have been moments in my life (especially the past year) where I have seen two paths, one with Islam, one without.
Why? Because religion is easy, people are difficult.
If I didn’t love Allah so much I wouldn’t bother trying to be part of this Muslim community. I would turn my back, just as they had turned theirs. I would take their cruel words and ignorantly bench mark Islam with it. I would have been just like everyone else who thought Muslims were bad. I would tell my Parents I made a mistake and go home. If I didn’t love my Prophet (SAW) so I wouldn’t have fulfilled my duties as a daughter in law, I wouldn’t have forgiven those who wronged me, and I wouldn’t have patiently endured.
The saddest thing is I would have blamed Allah for what the people did. I would have held Islam responsible and created a bad image of it in my head.
The examples my Husband initially told me, I understand exactly what happened in those Women’s lives. I understand what they went through and why it didn’t feel worth it to them. I get it. I understand the pain and the betrayal they must have felt. I understand why they are no longer Muslims.
I don’t want to take for granted the chance Allah has given me. He has truly been so lenient towards me, so kind, so forgiving, so merciful.
I am so thankful for being able to love Islam, for being given the chance to understand that Muslims can sometimes not be Islam.
I am truly grateful.
I pray to Allah that I never forget the fact that I love this beautiful religion of His. No matter what happens I wish to live every single day of my life as a Muslim and finally be laid to rest as a Muslim as well, only to wake up to meet Allah on that faithful day. Insha’allah!
To all my beautiful reverts, I hope you stay strong and ride out the struggle. Remember Allah is with you and He is the mightiest of all. With Him by your side, nothing can touch you.