My Lord teaches me to forgive. As He forgives my mistakes I should forgive others. How would I ever understand the gravity of my mistakes and how merciful my Lord is unless I myself forgive someone who has wronged me? But there comes a point when one has to ask yourself, how much is enough? What is unforgivable?
Humans are strange, filled with strange emotions and a heart that can be manipulated easily by Shaithan. That is what we are in an essence.
We make mistakes, learn from it and then move on and hope to never do it again. True remorse is followed by thawba and lots of contemplating on the gravity of your mistake. I know this because I have been there, I’ve made grave mistakes, regrettable mistakes which I wish I could take back, but since I can’t I pray everyday that Allah will forgive me.
Of course Allah is all merciful and compassionate. His love and kindness can not even be fathomed by us. And while He forgives us, our hearts may not forgive others.
So what is an unforgivable mistake?
Is it a mistake repeated over and over again despite being warned, despite apology, despite promises of never happening again?
Is it a mistake made with no consciousness of the gravity of its repercussions?
Is it a mistake which is never rectified, damage never contained, hurt feelings never addressed?
Or is it betrayal over and over again until you yourself seize to understand your own feelings?
What makes something unforgivable? Do we have the right to declare that something is unforgivable? We are after all flawed creatures ourselves.
I thought I believed that all should be forgiven as per the teachings of Islam. But lately I’ve been having trouble forgiving, not because I don’t feel for the person but because the person shows very little or no remorse. Does an apology count if it isn’t meant? Does everything go back to normal then?
I don’t know. I find myself stuck in a cross road where I do not know what to do anymore. If I forgive and move on surely it is best for me, but would my heart be able to bare another betrayal? Would it be able to forget the scares left behind? And then if I don’t forgive where does that leave me? An arrogant slave who seeks her Lords forgiveness but does not grant others the same curtesy?
I really don’t know. At times like this I guess the best option is to leave at the hands of Allah. After all it is only He who is able to pass judgement on His slaves. What He wills, shall be.