Little Girl: “Are you sure you are fasting?”
“Yes, why do you ask?” I replied defensively.
Little Girl: “No you just don’t look like you are fasting”
Intrigued I asked “Well what does a fasting look like?”
She shies away a bit and then says,
“Fasting people always look so tiered and hungry but you don’t”
At the beginning of this Ramadan, much like any new mom with a full time job I wondered how would I manage everything?! I was so anxious and nervous in the days leading to Ramadan that it almost masked the joy and excitement I would usually feel during this blessed month.
I didn’t know what to do and felt so overwhelmed. How was I going to fast and do all the work? How was I going to pray tharaweeh with a baby? Would I be able to pray sunnah’s? Would I have time to do my usual zikr? So many questions plagued my mind and some how I ended up feeling like I was taking steps backwards. I had worked so hard to achieve this level of discipline during fasting and I had come up with the ultimate spiritual cleanse to grow closer to Allah, but this time I wouldn’t be able to do it. Some how I ended up feeling like if I couldn’t do it properly, I didn’t want to do it at all (as if I could put Ramadan on hold).
So I did the only thing I could do, I prayed with all my might and cried to Allah to give me the strength to cope with everything and still be able to perform at least some of my usual worshipping. And on the days I could only do the bare minimum to ease my heart and comfort me so that I don’t feel utterly useless.
Alhamdulillah I’m managing now but I didn’t really know how well till that conversation with that little girl. Being a revert people expect me not to be fasting but hey if I look energetic, Alhamdulillah! I’m going to take it as a compliment.
I praise Allah for how I look while I’m fasting because without his strength I would not be able to do anything. I would probably look like a zombie. All praise is to Him and only Him because without his guidance and his comforting I wouldn’t be able to do any of this!